Can you please offer words of encouragement. I just got dumped and feel sucicidal. 10 pts?

was dumped my BF of 7 yeaars for a younger, prettier woman. me and my supposedly fiance never had due to him refusing an hiv test. then i noticed 2 purple lesions/blotches appear on his leg accompanying a huge red rash on his arm and feet with fever, vomit, and diareha. He siad the purple marks were from falling off his bike and a bebe gun shot when he was 10. 4 months later the marks never disappeared. he blamed my food for his flu like symptoms although i ate the same food and never got sick. then the last 9 months he had ginigivits and would bleed from his mouth for no reason so i never kissed him for like 2 years becuause he refused to brush his teeth. when he dumped me he told me i wasnt **** to him and he has a new girl. HOW DO I NOT BE JEALOUS OF THIS NEW GIRL THAT STOLE MY FIANCE FROM ME AND MY LIFE FROM ME? HOW DO I COPE WITH ALL THE LONLEY NIGHTS AND WEEKENDS AND SEE THE POSITIVE SIDE OUT OF THIS VERY DEPRESSING SAD SITUATION. I FEEL SO SUCIDAL LIKE I WANT TO JUST LAY DOWN AND DIE. AND BEING 35 I FEEL NO ONE WOULD WANT ME ANYWAY